Losing You
by adorablehazel
Summary: The pain of losing the only person you ever loved won't ever go. There is no future without him in it and the past memories reminding you every day of what you could never have again in your life. There is no past, no future for you. You get stuck in that single moment where you lost your world.You don't have a life without him in your life. R


The day starts with its normal regular routine but would it end as a normal day? No one can really answer that. They say that the fiercest storm often comes with the calmest breeze. We being unaware of the storm awaiting us enjoy the calm breeze. One moment we are all smiles and the next moment our world comes crumbling down.

They say that the future is unpredictable, live in present, make memories so that you can relish them, don't keep any regrets but is it all really enough to let go of the pain that's been binding you?

They say that the person dies but they are always there in our heart, their memories, foot prints are forever engraved in our heart but is it all really enough to move on in your life without feeling the emptiness and loneliness?

I, Mikan Sakura, disagree with all of them. It's been one year since I lost the only person I ever loved. People often come to comfort me saying soothing words such as everything is gonna be all right, it was gods wish we cant do anything about it , shed the tears to release your pain and so on. I quietly go away from such people. I don't understand why they say anything just for the sake of it. How is everything gonna be okay when the only person who can make me feel okay is six feet under the ground? Why do they expect me to shed tears when the only person capable of wiping those salty waters is no longer here? Why they say it was gods wish when it was that drunkards fault?

I still remember that day clear as the still water. It was a normal day (See it was a normal day but did I really expect it to end the way it did?) I and Natsume, My fiancé were having breakfast which he cooked because he doesn't wanna risk his kitchen getting blown by my culinary skills. We were as usual bickering over the smallest of things which is by the way our way of showing affection. (Cute. Isn't it?)

After getting ready we both got in his car. He daily drops me off to my place of work which is a primary school since I am a teacher before going to his own office. That day as I was getting down from the car he held my wrist to stop me from going down. I just looked at him with confused expression while he smiled and said "we are going out tonight so don't bring any work for home. Ok". I was so happy that I leaned to peck his cheek and smiled before finally going out of the car.

That whole day I was pretty excited for the date. I couldn't get the smile off of my face and I felt as if nothing could ruin my mood that day. (How wrong I was cause practically after day I forgot how to smile.) I got home and started getting ready for the date. He came home and also got ready and was waiting for me by the time I was done. He took only ten minutes to get ready still he looked drop dead gorgeous. I blushed looking at his handsome face. I was mesmerised by his eyes that I was staring intently. He in return just chuckled and held me by my waist and whispered, "Would you like it more if we drop the plan of going out and stay at home and you can stare at me as long as you want?" I blushed and said, "Well we can do that or we can go out now and I can stare at you for the rest of our lives"(How I wish I would have agreed to staying home that night) I smiled and he led us to the door.

We went to the restaurant. It gave us a homey feeling. We come here for most of our dates so we were pretty much regular customers for them. After dinner we went to the park and sat on the bench. It was calm and serene just the way we like it. Our hands were linked and I rested my head on his shoulders. There was a small smile on both our faces and it was a picture moment. We don't need words to know how the other is feeling. The silence between us was comforting. It started drizzling so he stood and gave me his hand. I took his hand and we both together hand in hand started walking out of the park. I again started talking about my day and just about anything and everything. He would nod, pass a comment, give a nasty remark, or just smile at me.

He asked me to wait there while he gets the car. I was happy. I wished for it to never end. (My wish never came true because it ended the exact minute I wished for it). I heard a sound and opened my eyes to look where the sound came from only to have face to face with the worst scene I ever saw in my life. There a few steps ahead of me lay Natsume unconscious with lots of injuries and bleeding. A speeding car hit him while he was walking to the other side of the road. I quickly ran toward him and lay his head on my lap. I called the ambulance. It started raining cats and dogs. We were getting soaked and I tried to keep him awake and talking. I didn't want to imagine what will happen if he closed his eyes even for a second. Soon the ambulance came and there I was standing in front of his operation theatre. I see our parents come rushing in after I called them but I didn't acknowledge their presence. Water was dripping from the tips of my hairs and I was shivering from the cold but they were the least of my worries. I was going numb from the thought of losing him.

After what seemed like hours the doctor finally emerged from the operation room and said that he was sorry. I didn't want to know the meaning of his words. The doctor said that we can see him for the last time (Now I think what happened to staring at him for the rest of my life). I went in the room and saw him lying on the bed with his eyes closed. He was pale and lifeless. I touched his cheek, ruffled his hair but he didn't move an inch. I used to have so much effect on him but now I am not able to get any reaction from him. I held his hand and begged for him to open his eyes, tease me, fight with me, anything as long as he is with me. I begged for him to come back to me but he didn't hear any of my pleads. He ignored them and lay motionless on that bed. I refused to move away from him. Our parents forcibly took me home (He is my home and they took me away from him).

It was his funeral. I was silent. My face didn't show any expression. I didn't have any expression left in me. I became blank and immune to the emotions other than pain. All our friends and family came to console me. How can I explain them that he was my only solace? No one will ever understand that without him in my life I don't have a life and I stopped trying to explain it to them a long ago. Now one year later here I am standing in front of his gravestone and as usual blabbering about anything and everything but now I don't get to hear his comments, remarks, see his smile. People say that night world lost Natsume Hyuuga. But the truth is that night I lost my world, Natsume Hyuuga.

Standing in front of your gravestone

Can't believe you aren't gonna be back home

Wake up and tell me plz it's all a big lie

I didn't lose you in just a blink of an eye

When I see all the couples

Walking hand in hand

I remember us from

Beginning to the end

On this wintery night, m so cold

My hands waiting for yours to hold.

When I see all the couples going lovey dovey

My eyes get red and puffy

I won't shed a tear

No never….

Spring is just around the corner

Without you m a goner

When I see all the couples flirting

I remember our first meeting

When I see others loving

I miss us cuddling

In this summer air, M all alone

Looking down at my hand I feel so forlorn

Take me away from this darkness

Baby you are my only solace

I can't take it anymore

It's hurting to the core

Without you nowhere I can be

Please baby come back to me


End file.
